EXHIBIT A!
Everyone but me already knows how to make a Paffendorf dance meme. For those of you who don't know, a paffendorf is... hard to explain. Here, just look at this video of a Maximum Ride paffendorf dance (That I don't own or know how to make!)
Is this some sort of conspiracy? A conspiracy to keep me from ever learning how to Paffendorf? DOES EVERYONE ALREADY KNOW BUT ME?! 'Cause I can't find instructions. CAN'T FIND THEM ANYWHERE!
EXHIBIT B!
In our family, we have two computers -- the laptop (Which works great), and the desktop (Which is a prehistoric peice of poo). And now, the desktop is not ONLY a prehistoric poo, it's now a prehistoric poo that's been invaded by nekkid people. And no, REALLY, I don't want to see your naughty bits. All I wanna do is look up the name of that song that's been stuck in my head for a week and I know the words but I don't the title or who sings it and I REALLY NEED TO FUCKING KNOW SO GET YOUR YOU-KNOW-WHAT OUT OF MY FACE!!!!!1!
And this really has nothing to do with anything, but someone deleted Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World from our DVR recordings and that pisses me off more than it should and STOP EATING MY BROWNIES YOU ANNOYING BASSIST!
Showing posts with label Rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rant. Show all posts
Friday, September 9, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
RANT: I Become A Hellacious Demon-Child In Defense of My Fictional Friends
Hi there Sunshine!
You know what really pisses me off? Maximum Ride Fanfictional cliches. One in particular.
We're all guilty. There a thousands of variations of this cliche, some worse than others. If you haven't written one, you've read one. It's the one where -- Well, I'm just gonna walk you through it.
Step 1 -- Setting the Scene. It's usually All Human (AH). Max and Fang are either best friends or worst enemies (Goes either way), Ella and Nudge are best friends, and Iggy will inevitably end up with one of the two, which will most likely be the extent of his part in the story. A waste of a perfectly good blind pyro chef.
2) Max puts up an unbearably large hissy fit about having to get a make-over. Sometimes to even just go shopping. Which is completely unjustified. I mean, who decided that Max must despise everything girly to the point of... this! There are tons of completely legit cases from the books where Max hints that she might even enjoy shopping once in a while. I point to Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports as proof -- Jeb pronounces Max as "incorruptible", to which Max replies "At least by power. You haven't tried chocolate or cute shoes." Also, her apocalypse rant in StWaOES has a good point.
Besides, why in the hell should she hate it? Just because she's a bad-ass butt-kicking mutant doesn't mean she doesn't want nice things. In AH fics, people are always trying to make them seem canon, but they get Max all wrong.
3) The person forcing the make-over is always Nudge. Usually accompanied by Ella. Now Nudge, I can understand, Nudge makes sense, but why bring Ella into this? She's one of my favorite characters, the one I can relate to the most! What with our love for Iggy, creepily similar moms, and the fact that her half-sister is Max and my BFF Kayla is exactly like Max, we might as well be twins! Also, no where in the books does it hint that Ella is a girly-girl, fashionista, or an OMGTOTALLYAWESOME!!1!!1!11! make-up artist.
4) After the make-over, Max apparently looks soooo hawttt that Fang falls in love with her on the spot. Even if they totally hated each other beforehand. In fact, the author often makes other male characters fall in love with her too, most often Sam or Dylan. Sometimes both.
Supposedly, Max must then go through the heart-wrenching decision of choosing between the two/three. She will probably also suck face with each of them at some point. Which is extremely non-canon. But we all know she'll choose Fang anyway, so who cares?
Another thing that drives me crazy? The Bandfics. Oh Lawd, don't even get me started on the Bandfics.
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FRICK THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT!
You'd think they'd do a little research. The only reason I know they don't know what they're talking about is because my brother has a band.
They have no idea how complicated it actually is to get everything right when you're performing live. Like, how you've gotta do sound checks, you're guitar actually needs tuning, amps have cords, it can be hard for the singer to hear him or herself over the band, it's incredibly difficult to play guitar and sing at the same time. Not the kind of thing you can master right away.
And the positions of the band they put the Flock members in make no sense. It's usually a little something like this:
Max- Vocals, 'cause she's the leader
Fang- Lead Guitar, 'cause he's the second-in-command
Iggy- Drums, 'cause most people think he's stupid for some reason.
And someone like Sam or Dylan on Bass, 'cause no one cares about bass players anyway.
Being the little sister of a bass player, I know that the bass player deserves way more credit than they get. If they weren't there, you would miss them right away. They're the yin to the guitarist's yang, the balance, the rhythm-keeper. That's why I would put Fang as the bassist. He helps balance out Max's snap-decisions.
I would put Max on lead guitar, because she seems like a lead guitarist. Impulsive, fast-paced solos, but can still stick to a plan by jamming out a heavy riff. Plus, it's been made pretty clear that she cannot sing.
Drummers are some of the most stereotyped members of the music world. Why does everyone think drummers are stupid? I happen to have a monster crush on a certain very talented drummer who is not thick-headed in any sense of the word. He's actually one of the smartest people I know. And no, I'm not talking about Iggy, because I would place him as the singer. Think about it -- he's Iggy. He wouldn't be self-conscious about it at all.
And for drummer, I would say Nudge. For the simple reason that the kid has got waaay too much energy. Plus, having a girly African-American fashionista as a drummer of a rock band can help break the stereotype.
A Great FAX Song:
"I'm Only Me When I'm With You" by Taylor Swift. Possibly the only song where every line fits Max and Fang perfectly. Seriously. Go look it up, right now.
Signing Off,
Sweet but Insane
You know what really pisses me off? Maximum Ride Fanfictional cliches. One in particular.
We're all guilty. There a thousands of variations of this cliche, some worse than others. If you haven't written one, you've read one. It's the one where -- Well, I'm just gonna walk you through it.
Step 1 -- Setting the Scene. It's usually All Human (AH). Max and Fang are either best friends or worst enemies (Goes either way), Ella and Nudge are best friends, and Iggy will inevitably end up with one of the two, which will most likely be the extent of his part in the story. A waste of a perfectly good blind pyro chef.
2) Max puts up an unbearably large hissy fit about having to get a make-over. Sometimes to even just go shopping. Which is completely unjustified. I mean, who decided that Max must despise everything girly to the point of... this! There are tons of completely legit cases from the books where Max hints that she might even enjoy shopping once in a while. I point to Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports as proof -- Jeb pronounces Max as "incorruptible", to which Max replies "At least by power. You haven't tried chocolate or cute shoes." Also, her apocalypse rant in StWaOES has a good point.3) The person forcing the make-over is always Nudge. Usually accompanied by Ella. Now Nudge, I can understand, Nudge makes sense, but why bring Ella into this? She's one of my favorite characters, the one I can relate to the most! What with our love for Iggy, creepily similar moms, and the fact that her half-sister is Max and my BFF Kayla is exactly like Max, we might as well be twins! Also, no where in the books does it hint that Ella is a girly-girl, fashionista, or an OMGTOTALLYAWESOME!!1!!1!11! make-up artist.
4) After the make-over, Max apparently looks soooo hawttt that Fang falls in love with her on the spot. Even if they totally hated each other beforehand. In fact, the author often makes other male characters fall in love with her too, most often Sam or Dylan. Sometimes both.
Supposedly, Max must then go through the heart-wrenching decision of choosing between the two/three. She will probably also suck face with each of them at some point. Which is extremely non-canon. But we all know she'll choose Fang anyway, so who cares?
Another thing that drives me crazy? The Bandfics. Oh Lawd, don't even get me started on the Bandfics.
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FRICK THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT!
You'd think they'd do a little research. The only reason I know they don't know what they're talking about is because my brother has a band.
They have no idea how complicated it actually is to get everything right when you're performing live. Like, how you've gotta do sound checks, you're guitar actually needs tuning, amps have cords, it can be hard for the singer to hear him or herself over the band, it's incredibly difficult to play guitar and sing at the same time. Not the kind of thing you can master right away.
And the positions of the band they put the Flock members in make no sense. It's usually a little something like this:
Max- Vocals, 'cause she's the leader
Fang- Lead Guitar, 'cause he's the second-in-command
Iggy- Drums, 'cause most people think he's stupid for some reason.
And someone like Sam or Dylan on Bass, 'cause no one cares about bass players anyway.
Being the little sister of a bass player, I know that the bass player deserves way more credit than they get. If they weren't there, you would miss them right away. They're the yin to the guitarist's yang, the balance, the rhythm-keeper. That's why I would put Fang as the bassist. He helps balance out Max's snap-decisions.
I would put Max on lead guitar, because she seems like a lead guitarist. Impulsive, fast-paced solos, but can still stick to a plan by jamming out a heavy riff. Plus, it's been made pretty clear that she cannot sing.
Drummers are some of the most stereotyped members of the music world. Why does everyone think drummers are stupid? I happen to have a monster crush on a certain very talented drummer who is not thick-headed in any sense of the word. He's actually one of the smartest people I know. And no, I'm not talking about Iggy, because I would place him as the singer. Think about it -- he's Iggy. He wouldn't be self-conscious about it at all.
And for drummer, I would say Nudge. For the simple reason that the kid has got waaay too much energy. Plus, having a girly African-American fashionista as a drummer of a rock band can help break the stereotype.
A Great FAX Song:
"I'm Only Me When I'm With You" by Taylor Swift. Possibly the only song where every line fits Max and Fang perfectly. Seriously. Go look it up, right now.
Signing Off,
Sweet but Insane
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