RANT: I Become A Hellacious Demon-Child In Defense of My Fictional Friends

Hi there Sunshine!
You know what really pisses me off? Maximum Ride Fanfictional cliches. One in particular.
We're all guilty. There a thousands of variations of this cliche, some worse than others. If you haven't written one, you've read one. It's the one where -- Well, I'm just gonna walk you through it.
Step 1 -- Setting the Scene. It's usually All Human (AH). Max and Fang are either best friends or worst enemies (Goes either way), Ella and Nudge are best friends, and Iggy will inevitably end up with one of the two, which will most likely be the extent of his part in the story. A waste of a perfectly good blind pyro chef.

2) Max puts up an unbearably large hissy fit about having to get a make-over. Sometimes to even just go shopping. Which is completely unjustified. I mean, who decided that Max must despise everything girly to the point of... this! There are tons of completely legit cases from the books where Max hints that she might even enjoy shopping once in a while. I point to Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports as proof -- Jeb pronounces Max as "incorruptible", to which Max replies "At least by power. You haven't tried chocolate or cute shoes." Also, her apocalypse rant in StWaOES has a good point.

Besides, why in the hell should she hate it? Just because she's a bad-ass butt-kicking mutant doesn't mean she doesn't want nice things. In AH fics, people are always trying to make them seem canon, but they get Max all wrong.
3) The person forcing the make-over is always Nudge. Usually accompanied by Ella. Now Nudge, I can understand, Nudge makes sense, but why bring Ella into this? She's one of my favorite characters, the one I can relate to the most! What with our love for Iggy, creepily similar moms, and the fact that her half-sister is Max and my BFF Kayla is exactly like Max, we might as well be twins! Also, no where in the books does it hint that Ella is a girly-girl, fashionista, or an OMGTOTALLYAWESOME!!1!!1!11! make-up artist.
4) After the make-over, Max apparently looks soooo hawttt that Fang falls in love with her on the spot. Even if they totally hated each other beforehand. In fact, the author often makes other male characters fall in love with her too, most often Sam or Dylan. Sometimes both.
Supposedly, Max must then go through the heart-wrenching decision of choosing between the two/three. She will probably also suck face with each of them at some point. Which is extremely non-canon. But we all know she'll choose Fang anyway, so who cares?
Another thing that drives me crazy? The Bandfics. Oh Lawd, don't even get me started on the Bandfics.
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FRICK THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT!
You'd think they'd do a little research. The only reason I know they don't know what they're talking about is because my brother has a band.
They have no idea how complicated it actually is to get everything right when you're performing live. Like, how you've gotta do sound checks, you're guitar actually needs tuning, amps have cords, it can be hard for the singer to hear him or herself over the band, it's incredibly difficult to play guitar and sing at the same time. Not the kind of thing you can master right away.
And the positions of the band they put the Flock members in make no sense. It's usually a little something like this:

Max- Vocals, 'cause she's the leader
Fang- Lead Guitar, 'cause he's the second-in-command
Iggy- Drums, 'cause most people think he's stupid for some reason.
And someone like Sam or Dylan on Bass, 'cause no one cares about bass players anyway.

Being the little sister of a bass player, I know that the bass player deserves way more credit than they get. If they weren't there, you would miss them right away. They're the yin to the guitarist's yang, the balance, the rhythm-keeper. That's why I would put Fang as the bassist. He helps balance out Max's snap-decisions.
I would put Max on lead guitar, because she seems like a lead guitarist. Impulsive, fast-paced solos, but can still stick to a plan by jamming out a heavy riff. Plus, it's been made pretty clear that she cannot sing.
Drummers are some of the most stereotyped members of the music world. Why does everyone think drummers are stupid? I happen to have a monster crush on a certain very talented drummer who is not thick-headed in any sense of the word. He's actually one of the smartest people I know. And no, I'm not talking about Iggy, because I would place him as the singer. Think about it -- he's Iggy. He wouldn't be self-conscious about it at all.
And for drummer, I would say Nudge. For the simple reason that the kid has got waaay too much energy. Plus, having a girly African-American fashionista as a drummer of a rock band can help break the stereotype.


A Great FAX Song:
"I'm Only Me When I'm With You" by Taylor Swift. Possibly the only song where every line fits Max and Fang perfectly. Seriously. Go look it up, right now.


Signing Off,
Sweet but Insane

RAVE: Darn True Love Always Getting in the Way of Everything!

Well Hi there Sunshine!

Love makes for good theatre. And so does death. Know what makes for a good book? Good theatre. And a love triangle.
So a good book has a love triangle and one team has to die. Or there at least has to be some love lost. Examples? Five out my Top Six Serieses.

Let's start with the most obvious: Twilight. The whole Edward/Bella/Jacob thing was insane. Yet Stephenie Meyer managed to end it in a way that made everyone... relatively contented. Mostly. I think, I'm not a super-obsessive Twihard. But, the whole happy ending, this is the main reason Twilight is number six on my list. Let's face it-- Happily Ever After is sooo last season.

Now The Gemma Doyle Trilogy, THAT'S an entirely different matter. In Rebel Angels there was a small triangle with Kartik/Gemma vs. Simon/Gemma. I myself was rather disenchanted with Simon when he tried to, ah, compromise Gemma's virtue -- or something like that. Although everyone seems to have forgotten about that in The Sweet Far Thing. Seriously. Does anyone else remember that fuzzy scene with the bed after Gemma drank the absinthe? How unchaste, Simon. I'm shaking my head in disappointment like an annoying mom who always knows best.
Anyway, Simon ended up marrying that other girl, Lucy Fairchild and Kartik and Gemma made out a lot, but did they get a happy ending? No. Of course not. Instead, Kartik turned into a tree that eats souls.

The same rules apply to the incredible, indescribable Maximum Ride. I mean, Fax vs. Mylan was a no-brainer -- Or so I thought, until ANGEL came out :'( -- but do you remember the panicked frenzy everyone went into when they heard Fang might die? That was PSYCHOTIC. James Patterson was getting veiled death threats! Then, at the end of FANG, when he left Max,
THE.
WORLD.
CRIED.
It was awesome.

However, on a completely different note, Mockingjay, the third and final book in The Hunger Games Trilogy, was somewhat disappointing. I mean, it was awesome, but the whole Peeta-or-Gale thing. Katniss chose Peeta 'cause Gale got a fancy job in some other District and he was maybe possibly partly responsible for the idea that killed Prim (I think. I'm a bit hazy on the details. But hey! Here's a song that reminds me of Gale: "Wretches and Kings" by Linkin Park). Love me or hate me for this, but I think Gale should've been made unavailable by non-romantic means. Like... death. And keep in mind that I'm only talking about the romantic part when I say it was just too anticlimactic.

Overall, love triangles seem to be a good thing. Unless of course your team loses, which has only happened to me -- twice? In the novel Eyes like Stars, I was for Team Nate, but he got kidnapped as a sacrifice to the Sea Goddess. And Bertie fell for that psycho air spirit, Ariel, the VILLAIN of the story! WTH?

And the heartbreaker: My losing battle in the fight to save Faxness.

Anyway. Love Triangles: Your thoughts?

Signing off,

Sweet but Insane

REVIEW: ANGEL, A Maximum Ride Novel

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!! ELEVEN!!
There is really no better expression than pure, wordless, vocal franticness that can explain what I am thinking right now.
Here's what's going on:
1) I'm shaking.
2) I think I might hurl.
3) I'm beginning to resent emotion.
4) "Electrified" doesn't cover it. This is more like... A bursting nova of raw energy. IN MY BRAIN.
Did I just get struck by lightning?
Sure feels like it.
But no. This is much more urgent...
I finished reading ANGEL: The seventh installment in the epic Maximum Ride series.
WARNING: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS!
Now, we all know I'm pretty good with words, but I am really at a loss on what to say. Seriously.
...Well, other than "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--" But that could go on for days. So I'll just describe my reaction using emoticons! Just imagine them accompanied by a chipper little ding! like on Meebo. Here goes nothin':

=O

=O

=O

=O

=O

=O

=O

Screw it. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. Ooh, here's some words for it:
HOLY. FREAKIN'. CRAP.
There. That about sums it up. Isn't my vocabulary wonderful?
I'll tell ya what's wonderful. That Holden Squibb guy, charging at that Mark guy, screaming his battle cry: "I AM STARFISHHH!!!"
So going in my quotes book.
Know what's NOT so wonderful? The... the... God, it kills me just to say it! The (Possible) END of FAXNESS! My antidrug! How can they do this to me?! I'm still clinging on to one last tattered shred of hope, but is it a lost cause? Whenever I think about it, I get all worked up.
And then I think of Holden...
...And I lulz.
Meanwhile, on a completely different note, you should've seen my psychobilly freakout (There's one for yer vocab) when Iggy got brainsucked. And when I thought he was dead. And when I thought Jeb died, for that matter. Not to mention Angel... But it turns out none of got dead at all! Jeb's just... evil, and Angel's just... held in captivity by the Doomsday Group. Being experimented on. Possibly turning evil. Again.
Speaking of which, where DID Dr. M and Jeb wander off to? Crazy brainsuckers. Sorta reminds me of their mysterious disappearane is Phoenix Fanatic's "Diary of a Lovesick Mutant". Except something tells me they won't be engaged when they show up again. Although it would be a huge improvement if the world had as many sex, bacon, and Harry Potter references as Phoenix Fanatic.
While we're on the topic of fanfiction (At least, I hope we're on the same page here. I really have no idea if you've even heard of fanfiction, reader.), did anyone else notice the eerie similiarities between the Comic-Con scene and St. Fang of Boredom's "MangaFlock"? If I didn't know better, I'd say Mister P. has been prowling the archives of Maximum Ride fanfiction. Although I swoon like a giddy schoolgirl at the thought of him even glancing at "Winging It", I really hope he didn't see the A/N where I damn him to Hell.
And now I have this crazy fantasy where he reads the measly 16 collective chappies I have posted and is so impressed that he immediately drops me an email and we collab on the horror novel of the decade which wins a crapload of awards and gets me landed on Planet Instant Stardom and I end up on Oprah and people make movies about my life.
Hey, a girl can dream, right?


Signing off,

Sweet But Insane


A Song That Reminds Me Of ANGEL: "How Far We've Come" by Matchbox 20.