A Photo Editing Contest Gone Horribly, Hilariously Wrong

It started out innocently enough.
Well, kind of.

Teenage Venom and I were chatting online when I realized - my icon. It was horribly outdated. It featured me with a different haircolor, haircut, and furniture arrangement in the background. I didn't even own that dresser anymore. I decided to change it - to this. A picture of my eye, unedited.

Venom promptly requested I send her a copy so she could "play with it". After some very strange mental images of her having a tea party with a printed-out version of my eyeball, I came to the conclusion that she meant she wanted to add effects and stuff to make it look cool - like photoshopping, or as we called it, Picniking, after out photo-editing website of choice.

That was when I had a brilliant idea - A contest, between us, of who could edit it cooler. We had three minutes and text was not allowed.

Within a few minutes, we had gone through editing several photos and broken every rule. These were the highlights of the contest.

The Original-

Kayla's Version-

My Version-

The Original-

Kayla's Version-

My Version-

The Original-



Kayla's Version-

My Version-



Guilt Trippin'

Hi there Sunshine!
Teenage Venom, the crazy friend (Everybody's got one), has been bugging me to post or, and I quote, "I'LL CRY TEARS OF SADNESS AND COLORLESS RAINBOWS!".
Even when I responded to her IM's with an endless stream of super-sad-face emoticons, all she said was "NO BE SAD!", then sent me the following.

And after I told I was busy plotting world domination  checking my email, she sent me THIS.
So here you go, Venom. A post. Happy now?

Time Freeze Outside the Decaying Speck

The Speck. My hometown. Blink and you'll miss it. It consists of a post office, a library, a gas station, a junk store, three churches, and a bunch of run-down smallish Victorian-style houses. Back in the olden days, when the railroad still came through, it was a busy place. Lots of artists, I've heard. People still sometimes find drawings and things in their walls once in a while. The river, which is haunted by an Indian chief according to legend, runs through, twisting Southward. The Speck is squished down in a valley, tree-covered hills swooping up on either side. It's beautiful in the Fall. In Summer...
Well, let's just say, it's quiet.
But where I live, a few miles outside the Speck, it's like time is frozen. Right now, nothing is going on. NOTHING! I'd give anything for something to happen, anything just to lighten the load of this never-ending BOREDOM! PLEASE GOD, MAKE IT STOP!
And yeah, I know I'll be missing the stagnant relaxation of August once September rolls around and the drama starts in again, but until then, I'm awaiting the start of school with open arms, if only for the fact that I'll get to see my friends again. They all live in the Speck, so I can't just walk down the street and pop in whenever I want. The only times we see each other is at school and on AIM. I've seen Venom once or twice, but Jaybrams doesn't even have an AIM. We haven't talked in months.
And yes, we have telephones. I just have an unnatural mistrust of them. It's... hard to explain...
So, to all of you awaiting the end of Summer with dread and nostalgia, I say, Pfft! It can't come soon enough!

OMGHARRYPOTTERANDTHEDEATHLYHALLOWSPART2AHHSQUEE!!!

I'm pretty sure that by now, everyone on Earth is aware of the Most Important Day In Like Ever, which is coming up July 15th. What makes it so important, you ask? Well, good sir, that would be the day when HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART II is released in theaters.
Are you following me? I said, HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART II!!!!
Do get the gravity of the situation here? It's the LAST Harry Potter movie coming out.
EVER!
 Actually, it's the last Harry Potter anything ever coming out. I've been a die-hard HP fan since I was nine or ten, and so has Venom. It was all we ever talked about for years! Later on, Venom showed me Maximum Ride and I contracted OMRD, I'm sorry to say Harry was forgotten for a little while. But recently I've been rediscovering the series, first in books then in movies. And I'm happy to say, I STILL LOVE IT! Maybe even more than before. When I was younger, I didn't sometimes understand what was going on, even though I was a pretty deep kid. But now I totally get the whole thing.
July 15th is going to be a bittersweet day for me. I mean, when the Half Blood Prince had just come out, I found out there was only going to be one more book, and I cried. And now, there aren't even any more movies to look forward to. WE HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR NOW!
Well, I have Part II to look forward to now. But you know what I mean.
Then again, let me just express my views on how I think the movie will be:
OMGEPICAHHHSOCOOLSOCOOLSQUEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Better than the last one even! If the commericals are any indication, this could quite possibly be the GREATEST.
MOVIE.
EVER.
Me and Venom are going to see it on the 16th, but we're also going to have our own launch party, either the night before or after. We have no lives, so it's just going to be us. We're even making matching shirts to where to the movie :D Deathly Hallows or Bust!
Oh my God, we are such geeks.

Signing Off,
Sweet but Insane

The Greatest Poem In The World -- Part One

"The Zombie in my Locker and How it Got There"

Part One

By Me

There's a zombie with the munchies

And he's in my locker
I knew I shouldn't have watched Zombieland
Instead of seeing Little Fockers

There was a close-up of the undead
And then it jumped off the screen
Like Lady Gaga, messed up in the head
And acting really mean

It snarled and growled
And ran 'round my house
It ate half a sports car
And my imaginary spouse

And it was going for me
When I shot it times three
But two bullets missed
And hit the indestructible cat, who hissed

The zombie ran away
Hid under my porch for a while
It built and rode a subway
But it hopped the turnstile

Meanwhile, aboveground,
I was getting ready
I got Iggy, a rocket launcher
And a lobster named Freddie

We stormed in the subway
To take the next train going out
The vendor gave me a key chain
But he charged me five dollars, the lout

We crowded on the subway
It smelled like peanut butter
That, combined with claustrophobia
Turned me into a nutter

A nutter, by the way
Is British for lunatic
Like Ozzy, or Venom,
Or that Jersey Shore chick

"Hot damn!" I shouted
"I think I'm going crazy.
That guy in the corner
Doesn't even look shady!"

We escaped the subway
Iggy, Freddie, and Me
For some reason we were by the ocean
When a voice rawred with glee

"Steve!" squealed me
"Third person much?" muttered Iggy
Freddie added "OMG!"
"GRAAWRR!" warbled Steve

I climbed on a boat
And threw a rope to the shark
And I fired the rocket launcher
It lit up the dark

I commanded "Fetch!
There's a zombie to catch!"
Steve pirouetted across the sea
In hot pursuit of the hungry zombie

By the time that we docked
We were back where we started
My house, the hide-out,
Of the Nearly Departed

The zombie in question
Was crossing the river
Toward the school, where he'd find
Inevitably, his dinner

To the driveway we descended
To make a decision
Should we face certain death
In the Land of No Livin'?

Or should we stay home
And watch Dr. Phil all day
His mustache is distracting
It lead thoughts astray

How Not To Make Peanut Butter Cookies

Hi there Sunshine!

So it's Spring Break. In an effort to defeat the boredom that comes hand-in-hand with not having a vacation home somewhere with white, sandy beaches (Or anywhere else), Teenage Venom and I banded together to make cookies. Peanut Butter Cookies, to be exact. The process was interesting, to say the least.

Now, we aren't exactly five star baking prodigies, but we don't really suck, either. If Teenage Venom and I were Sims, our Cooking Skill Levels would be in the three-to-four range. That's why the end results were somehow delicious. Compared to the process, it was a miracle, really.
Anyway, before we even started making the cookies, we were goofing around and having a laugh. This somehow resulted in us sticking several miscellanious food items on the oven, which was thankfully off. We named them Apocalypse Cookies, because my mom forbid us from actually baking them, so we were waiting for the Apocalypse, when temperatures would hopefully reach 350 degrees farenheit and bake our cookies.
Anyway, we cleaned all of that out and started mixing up the ingredients. And by "We", I mean Venom read off what we needed while I got it out, seeing as it was my kitchen and I knew where everything was. The recipe called for a measurement of baking powder (I don't remember how much) mixed with a cup and 1/4 cup of flour. Venom read this off to me, but I either wasn't paying attention or didn't hear her.
In any case, I only heard her say "1/4 cup of flour". So that's how much I put in.
Skipping ahead a few steps, the recipe required butter, sugar, brown sugar, one egg, and vanilla extract to be mixed together in the electric mixer until "Pale and fluffy". We compared its paleness to that of my forearm, since I'm the palest geek you'll ever meet. Vampires got nothin' on me.
We were just about to add the flour when my mom wandered in and saved our asses. "Is that all baking powder?" She peered into the bowl worriedly.
"No," I replied. "There's flour in there."
"No way." Mom shook her head. "That's not enough."
"Yes huh!" Venom chimed in. "A cup and a quarter cup of flour."
"Wait--" I said confusedly. "It's a quarter cup. Right?"
"And a whole cup."
"...Crap."
Thank God for Moms.
We added in the last of the flour, mixed it all up, then started plopping it on the cookie sheets. The first two batches came out okay, despite one of each being mutilated by Venom checking for done-ness with a tiny fork before they were even halfway done. Then we had only about enough dough left for two or three cookies. I combined it all into one and dubbed it "Pangea, the SuperCookie."
We opened the oven to put Pangea in, when suddenly...
"Hey... there's an... onion... in there...."
A single onion, the remains of our Apocalypse Cookies, had been charred to crisp for about an hour and was sitting sadly in the back of the oven, smoking slightly. We rescued the forlorn little onion and dumped it rudely in the garbage.
For some reason, I felt the need to take Pangea out before it was done. When I tried to scoop it off the rack to dry, it crumbled into pieces. Kind of ironic, when you think about it. One of the piece was even shaped vaguely like Africa.
They were delicious.

Signing Off,
Sweet but Insane