Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Greatest Poem In The World -- Part One

"The Zombie in my Locker and How it Got There"
Part One
By Me

There's a zombie with the munchies
And he's in my locker
I knew I shouldn't have watched Zombieland
Instead of seeing Little Fockers

There was a close-up of the undead
And then it jumped off the screen
Like Lady Gaga, messed up in the head
And acting really mean

It snarled and growled
And ran 'round my house
It ate half a sports car
And my imaginary spouse

And it was going for me
When I shot it times three
But two bullets missed
And hit the indestructible cat, who hissed

The zombie ran away
Hid under my porch for a while
It built and rode a subway
But it hopped the turnstile

Meanwhile, aboveground,
I was getting ready
I got Iggy, a rocket launcher
And a lobster named Freddie

We stormed in the subway
To take the next train going out
The vendor gave me a key chain
But he charged me five dollars, the lout

We crowded on the subway
It smelled like peanut butter
That, combined with claustrophobia
Turned me into a nutter

A nutter, by the way
Is British for lunatic
Like Ozzy, or Venom,
Or that Jersey Shore chick

"Hot damn!" I shouted
"I think I'm going crazy.
That guy in the corner
Doesn't even look shady!"

We escaped the subway
Iggy, Freddie, and Me
For some reason we were by the ocean
When a voice rawred with glee

"Steve!" squealed me
"Third person much?" muttered Iggy
Freddie added "OMG!"
"GRAAWRR!" warbled Steve

I climbed on a boat
And threw a rope to the shark
And I fired the rocket launcher
It lit up the dark

I commanded "Fetch!
There's a zombie to catch!"
Steve pirouetted across the sea
In hot pursuit of the hungry zombie

By the time that we docked
We were back where we started
My house, the hide-out,
Of the Nearly Departed

The zombie in question
Was crossing the river
Toward the school, where he'd find
Inevitably, his dinner

To the driveway we descended
To make a decision
Should we face certain death
In the Land of No Livin'?

Or should we stay home
And watch Dr. Phil all day
His mustache is distracting
It lead thoughts astray

Friday, May 13, 2011

The Snozzberries Taste Like Snozzberries

By now, you've all pretty much figured out that I'm not exactly the babbling 'OMGBOYZ!' sort of teenage girl. No, more like the babbling 'OMGMUTANTZ!' sort of teenage girl. But, let it be known that I am not without weakness: And that weakness comes in the form of... well...


's hair.

But really, who isn't susceptible to that?